It’s really funny how things work out… or don’t.

It’s really funny how things work out… or don’t.


It's really funny (not so much) how things work out… or don't. You are standing there, trying to make one of the most important decisions in your life, hoping for everything to go fine, (no mattering which decision you take). But how to know, I don't have a time machine to go and see what awaits for me. I just hate this position when I have to wonder what if… If I have done this instead of that, if what I have decided will turn just ok, maybe not now, maybe it will later. But now I feel safe, although a little confused. It's safe good? It's scary bad? Are feelings wrong? Am I guilty of this? It doesn't matter what I choose because I'll always turn inside myself and search for that damn question inside my head… what if I have done it the other way around? Would it have worked? Is it known but not so good bad? Is it not so known but good really good? If I don't really know, how to know if it is really good at all? Did I have to learn more about it? Did I have to search independently for happiness? Is it what I'm doing making me feel incomplete? Would I feel incomplete if I don't have what I do have now? Is it that empty house still an option for me? Can money really buy what I want? Am I ever going to be in peace with myself? Do I still have that opportunity? Have you ever really loved me at all? If yes how intensively? Do I love you? Or is it just that I want us to be? Am I fighting against my will? Do I really want what you can give? Can you really give what I want? Am I making sense to you at all? Do you have questions to ask me? Are doubts hurting you as they are to me? Are we ever going to stop feeling like this? Please tell me, are you pretending that everything its ok? Are you crying for me? Do you want me? Can I have you? Do you believe in me? Are you really good to me? Have you hate me for who I am, for what I've done? Are you angry for what we haven't been? Can we go back in time and stop it where our story begun? Can you give me the flower you never give? Did I take your breath away? How far would you have gotten for me? Why haven't you kissed me? Why haven't I kissed you? Why I can't forget you? Why you still ignore me? Why you were always hiding? How can you forgive me? How can we deny it? Why I can't regret it? Why you got consumed by it? How is that we got tired? Why can't we go forward? When these entire questions will end? When are you going to talk to me? How can you still like be this? How can I be so stupid to keep on persevering when I don't know what is going to happen? Are these question are going to keep on growing in length? Am I ever going to stop questioning you and myself? When are you coming back? Can we have some coffee? Can we meet? Maybe we will, maybe not, maybe some nice trick of the gods will get us together. If it is so they might also be playing this crazy game of separating us. But I will now stop time, here in my head, although time will go on and just time will tell if I see you again. PAUSE. STOP.


HI AGAIN. It's funny how things work out or don't.

It's my life

OK. Right here, right now, this moment is so odd to me. I'm going to stop doing what I do. I'm going to stop looking for a clue. I have so many things in my mind; I have so many feelings rounding inside. I'm going to forget who I was once. I finally surrender, I'm going to let go… I'm just myself and no one else's to own. From now on I will think of me first, from now on I'll get to do what pleases me the most. From now on I choose to live being hard and cold as would a bitch, because finally I decided to live happily.

I got tired of loosing myself. I got tired of pleasing everyone else…. But me.
I will keep on the path I choose, there's so much more for me to do.
Let me be and back the fuck off. Let me go to explore the world.
Let me for once search for myself, I want to stop feeling like hell,
'cause so much feelings can drive you nuts, give me my space, leave me alone.

I just don't care more for what you might think; let's not pretend that you like me.
I wouldn't even try to please you more, because it doesn't matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough for you. So you know what? I would not even care to get mad at you at all, because it is a waste of time, of emotion and thoughts.
Well I don't care what you want from me, I couldn't care less of what you want me to be. I just am and I WON'T change for you.

I will stop to live in a fantasy. I will no longer be awake and dream. I will leave the fairy tales where they belong, in the bad written version of movies and books. I will stop wishing the happily ever after, and come back to Earth. I hate the time when you make me believe that life was easy and fair, when all I have gotten from you was a living hell.


I refuse to keep on living life like this, when the most that I get are some hypocrites' faces. I will share my life with people that are real. Those are the ones who willingly give their selves, the ones you can feel that you are peaceful and safe with. There's nothing else to tell you, I think I said it all, you might have understand the meanings of my words.

So I'll have no regrets from now on, suddenly I feel relieved from carrying this pain and anger, it was too heavy this burden for me. No longer I'll be mad at myself or feel guilty of my actions. It's my life, this is what I get, only one to live.

From now own I will be free; from now on I get to be me. I won't search for happiness any longer. 'Til now I didn't realize that all this time I had it in me. I just had to choose to live it, instead of seeking it, because NO ONE can really make you happy, but yourself. I just have to decide it. I just did. Back the fuck off and let me BE.