Thank you God

A few weeks ago I had to decide for God to enter into my life completly. I was asking for him to rescue me from myself, because I didn't knew what to want for me anymore. I dind't knew what to do, what desicions were the right one's to choose. But the right desicion I had to make was Him. After I did this everything seemed to become more clear. I've realized that what I had to do was not what I thought I wanted, because sometimes I just couldn't tell what I wanted anymore. But the answer was and still is God. I had to change some things in my life, leave some habits that I had for a long time. I had to leave behind some friends, some loved ones that I cared for, but that I had to do because it was harming me and making of me someone I was not.

I didn't realized this before, and I had to face my truth, and when I encounter myself being someone I was not I refused to continue living like this.



Maybe some people couldn't understand what I'm going through. Maybe they wouldn't notice when one is depressed. Maybe they don't get that by trying to "help" they are just making a more complicated situation that the one that exist. And some others wouldn't understand that being a part of me couldn't happen, not before, not now, not then...



Because this is my nature, this is who I am, who I'm supposed to be. This is the person that they knew, the one they cared for, because I am just like this. I am good because I am who I am, so don't wish for me to change, to be another just to please someone else's wishes.



I wasn't strong enough to go back to who I am, so in the search for myself I found that I had to search first for my dear God, and then all things will find its way back to normal, to peace, to joy, for the first time in a long, long time.

The point of this is that it doesn't matter if people understands me or not, I know now the one I have to please is God, and by this I'll be doing what is best for me. I'm not doing this for anyone, but for me. It's time to take care of myself, to stop worring so much for others, for their feelings, for the memories, and start worring more about my well being.

So this is the new/old me, the one that I was, the one that I lost, the one that I found once again thanks to God, but improved, with new experiences, with new understanding, whether people decide to understand IT or not. 'Cause I care... but I care for me the most!